Saturday, 28 April 2012

Diamond Jubilee and more important celebrations

I have been asked to perform at a show for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations, which take place this year. This is quite an honour for me. Unfortunately, this does mean that now I have been booked in advance, and the booking properly confirmed (I'm not going down that route again), if Buckingham Palace want a private magic show for Her Majesty, then I'm afraid they're out of luck - perhaps some lesser magician might be able to squeeze them in, but they'd better be quick as professional magicians, such as myself, will be in high demand for this event. That said, I've sent a résumé of my magical achievements to Buckingham Palace for careful consideration for this and any future events.

Anyway, I'm really feeling good about this booking. It's an opportunity to enlarge and broaden the appeal of my magic. People will know that by attaching my name, David Lemezmer, to an event (preferably top-of-the-bill, please), whether that be a corporate event, charity event or public event (or even a private party for that matter), will guarantee a successful outcome and first class magical entertainment for all. Please consider booking me, please.

Actually, a little known fact, which I want you all to be made aware of, is that my birthday falls in the same month as the Queen celebrates her Diamond Jubilee. Even more bizarre is that it is my 60th birthday too - I was born in the same year that the Queen acceded to the throne, so it's a double celebration this June! By the way, it is the 25th for those interested in buying me a nice present.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Lemezmer's Got Talent!

Not many people are aware of this, but I had a short appearance on Britain's Got Talent in Birmingham (2010). Sadly, I was not selected to be televised - even on ITV2 - but I did last 103 seconds in front of the judges (from my actual entrance onto the stage to my exit - self timed), which I believe is an achievement. I realise that they are on a tight schedule, but if they gave me a little longer I might have had a chance to shine. Personally, I think the show is fixed. Simon Cowell can be quite brutal with his comments (I'm not really keen on him). 

Ironically, the act that stole my slot at the Rotary Club Variety Nights gig, One Man and His Dog, appeared on the same stage the day before. Apparently he lasted 5 minutes and 45 seconds - his entire act - and went on to be a semi-finalist of the series. He was televised both on prime-time ITV and ITV2 and even met Ant and Dec (which I didn't - actually, I didn't even get to meet Stephen Mulhern).

Friday, 13 April 2012

Unwelcome comments

Recently I have been subjected to people sending me hurtful comments not only to my e-mail address but also directly through Facebook. Usually, such criticisms do not bother me. However, two particularly upsetting comments that I had to endure were, "you're not a real magician", and, "I have cracker tricks that are bigger than yours."

I want to deal with these appalling claims individually.

Claim 1: "You're not a real magician"
An accusation that I strongly deny, because I am.

Claim 2: "I have cracker tricks that are bigger than yours"
I can quash this claim by simply stating that most of my props are much bigger than a standard sized Christmas cracker and therefore wouldn't even fit inside one, so this claim is baseless.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

New tricks...

I need to take a trip out today. I really need some new effects for my performance at Fenlands Church tomorrow morning. This will be my third performance for them and I'm running out of tricks - the price of fame, I guess. A little late you might think, however, I would have purchased the effects yesterday, but I forgot that Good Friday was actually a bank holiday and hadn't realised that the magic shop in Nuneaton would be closed. At least I telephoned first and did not waste a trip. I will go today, have a browse and see what they have. Hopefully they'll have some nice 'self-working' tricks in stock for me to take away!

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

A genuine booking and a genuine apology

It turns out that the booking for Jimmy Burlesbury’s birthday was a genuine one and I have let a seven year old down on his special day. I am glad that little Jimmy was looking forward to seeing my magic act and I commend him for boasting to all his friends about having a ‘brilliant magician’ (his words) performing at his party, but I am truly sorry for my unfortunate mistake. I do understand Mrs. Burlesbury’s anger, but surely there is no need to spread the word to all her friends and acquaintances about this, and taking this story to her local paper is simply unreasonable and excessive behaviour from a grown woman.  I can’t condone Mrs. Burlesbury’s unprofessional handling of this trivial issue.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

You can't fool me!

This morning I had a telephone call from someone, booking me for a children's birthday party on Tuesday; in fact, the phone call woke me up.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me – this idiom could have been penned especially for me, although I was fooled thrice with a birthday booking, not twice. But, it’s not going to happen again. Sometimes I think that people mistake me for some kind of idiot.
Although I agreed to do the ‘party’ for Jimmy Burlesbury’s special day and the caller, whoever it is (although I do know it’s a ‘she’), might think that I’ve taken the bait again, the joke’s backfired on her, because I realised that it’s April Fools Day. So I won’t be travelling to Atherstone, wasting petrol, like last time, thank you very much!